Lauren PortilloComment

Going Thru It

Lauren PortilloComment
Going Thru It

Hey, it’s been awhile.

*sings* “I’ve been going thru it, you’ve been thru it”

(cc: 6lack & Khalid, Seasons).

When your entire life shifts unexpectedly towards the direction of the unknown, you begin to wonder why it’s all happening to you.

It’s called the victim mentality.

The mentality where you feel like Life, the Universe, God, everything is working against you. And I’m here to say that that attitude and outlook on life is toxic and not in the Britney Spears, fun-kind of way. Life, God, the Universe… it’s all in your favor if you constantly think and feel like it is. If you feel and think like it’s going against your current, you are simply fighting it yourself with your own thoughts, and later, actions. I was feeling like I worked so hard on all of my accomplishments to later have nothing to fall back on. I felt defeated, and yet, humbled.

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It’s been four months of me trying to figure out my next move and making it a habit to take care of myself again. I was kicked back into my youth. All the baggage and stress was lifted off of my shoulders. Imagine that. I felt like a kid again - mind you, I’m 29. At the beginning of this season in my life, I was resentful because I’m not a kid (ya know), but now… I’m thankful. It felt so good to feel like I was on summer vacation back in ‘96, except my brother wasn’t there the entire time and I didn’t eat lunchables everyday. Now that I think about it, maybe I should have - there’s still time.

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I’m finally feeling like myself again - as cliche as that may sound, it’s true. You go through a big change in your life and if you allow it, you lose a sense of who you are and what you are capable of. My confidence faded and I worked on regaining it daily. Now, I feel motivated, strong, happy, and excited about my present day. Call me nuts, but the full moon on February 19th gave me some inspiration to make some personal changes and adjustments to my life. Let’s just say, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. hehe. Better yet, I can see clearly now that the rain is gone. No really, it was raining so much and the sun is finally out. Thank God.

If you are feeling like how I felt, just know, this too shall pass and also, the only thing constant in life is change.

But one of the quotes that really got me out of this funk was this:

“Today is a new day. Don't let your history interfere with your destiny! Let today be the day you stop being a victim of your circumstances and start taking action towards the life you want. You have the power and the time to shape your life. Break free from the poisonous victim mentality and embrace the truth of your greatness. You were not meant for a mundane or mediocre life!” 
― Steve Maraboli

Not sure who Steve is, but he’s right! All I had to do was break free from that victim mentality. Life does not happen to you, it happens for you.

I am grateful to be here, I hope you are - too.

love always, Lauren

photos by:   Chris Diamond

photos by: Chris Diamond